Having been in a long term relationship for some time (dating 10 years + married for almost 7 years) I have come to learn a bit about better relating to my wife & kids. I was fortunate many years ago to come across Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages" - a great book & read that really helped simplify the best ways to give love & get more love.
You see, what Chapman found in his research & clinical practice, is that we each have preferences (love language) on how we feel loved & we have a "love fuel tank". As long as our partner or loved ones are filling of love tank, we are happy and fulfilled in that relationship. However, if our tank runs empty because our loved ones aren't not fulfilling our love language, the relationship may start to break down. Think about 2 people from different countries - one person speaks French & the other Japanese. The French person is saying "je t'aime" & the Japanese person is saying "anata o aishiteimasu" & neither feels fulfilled unless they start to speak each others language.
So what are the 5 Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
In this Love Language, words mean the world. From verbally saying "I Love You" to multiple "xo" text messages, to compliments, to love letters & long-winded cards, a person who is strong on what is said, needs all of this to fill the tank up.
2. Quality Time
This language is all about enjoying high quality time together. Eating dinner & talking (without the TV or phone or tablet), attending personal interests together such as sports events, engaging in personal activities together such as going to the gym. It is not about QUANTITY - a couple could spend hours together watching Netflix but if you crave QUALITY TIME it needs to be engaging in a high passion personal interest.
3. Physical Touch
Holding hands, kisses & hugs for hello, good morning, goodnight, goodbye, a shoulder rub, a foot massage, spooning & play fighting. These are all high on the list to fill up a physical touch love tank. In romantic relationships, it isn't always about the obvious (although that is important) but often includes the small gestures on a daily basis.
Those who rate high on gifts, have their love tank filled by personal, memorable items that can be treasured. From big ticket items like diamonds or handbags, gifts are generally loved more when they are meaningful. A scrapbook or personalised photo album, figurines, a copy of a favorite album or dvd, when gifts rate high there doesn't need to be a special occasion. Memorable, random gifts throughout the year fill the tank & keep it topped up for years to come.
5. Acts of Service
This language isn't just about getting home chores done, when someone feels love by what you do, it means things like doing something so your loved ones don't have to. Doing things that your loved ones normally do to take the weight off their shoulders.
So there you have it...a brief summary of the 5 Love Languages. These can be applied to all relationships in your life, not just the romantic ones. So how do you know your language. Well you may get an idea by simply reading through the list, but to be certain, simply head to www.5lovelanguages.com & follow the links.
This article is presented by Dr. Mario R Ferraro - Chiropractor & Wellness Practitioner.
Caroline Springs & Essendon Fields
The article is informative purposes only. For help with your relationships, always seek professional advice. The information has been adapted from Gary Chapman & The 5 Love Languages.